As a fellow Metroid Prime Boss, I have to say that I do not at all like this letter - in fact, it outrages me to the extent where I feel compelled to reply with my own letter.
Dear Ms. Aran,
I have read with disgust the belief-beggaringly impolite letter that you sent to my esteemed colleague, Mr. Thardus, and quite frankly, I am shocked and appalled.
You may well be a highly respected - and some would say, feared - Bounty Hunter, but I am flabbergasted at your poor manners - clearly, they do not teach basic etiquette over on K-2L, do they? How dare you presume to level such an uncouth tirade at my colleague and friend, Mr. Thardus! As I say, I have nothing but the utmost respect for your achievements in the field of Bounty Hunting, but I must ask that you maintain a similar level of respect for professionals in other fields. Mr. Thardus, and indeed myself, are both honours graduates from the Tallon IV Academy of Metroid Bossdom, and, as such, are continuing the fine legacy started by the great Kraid nearly 20 years ago.
Perhaps Mr Thardus's appearance is somewhat unorthodox, I agree, but surely, in the year 20X5 in the history of the cosmos, society has progressed to the point when we can all accept each other as equal members of society, regardless of perceived "irregularities" in physical appearance? Your attitude makes me sick, young lady - judging my friend Mr. Thardus as being somehow mentally inferior to you, merely because he resembles a large pile of rocks, amounts to little short of racism. Perhaps it would interest you to know that Mr. Thardus is a member of Mensa, with an IQ of over 180? Of course it wouldn't - you've already made your mind up, based on your primitive preconceptions. How backward you are.
May I also point out that your letter contains a confession that you are guilty of the crime of sequence breaking, and are thus in direct violation of Clause 16A of the Metroid Boss Dispatchment Treaty? Through your item skipping and extended Bomb Jumping, you are not only violating your own Space Hunter's contract, which dictates that you must pick up all power-ups, weapon upgrades and modular Power Suit enhancements IN THE PRE-DESIGNATED SEQUENCE, but you also place us in the hazardous position of having to defend against advanced weaponry without adequate training - something which contravenes the Galactic Federation's Health and Safety in the Workplace Treaty, signed in the year 1X9Z by Galactic Preseident Gerald Zxxwlw. Are you trying to tell us that you are better versed in the ins and outs of Federation law than the esteemed Mr. Zxxwlw? I thought not.
To conclude, Madam - you are nothing more than an uncouth, ill-mannered scofflaw, and you are certainly no Lady.
Sincerely,
Mr. O. Pirate
I sincerely hope that this teaches you the error of your ways.
Dear Ms. Aran,
I have read with disgust the belief-beggaringly impolite letter that you sent to my esteemed colleague, Mr. Thardus, and quite frankly, I am shocked and appalled.
You may well be a highly respected - and some would say, feared - Bounty Hunter, but I am flabbergasted at your poor manners - clearly, they do not teach basic etiquette over on K-2L, do they? How dare you presume to level such an uncouth tirade at my colleague and friend, Mr. Thardus! As I say, I have nothing but the utmost respect for your achievements in the field of Bounty Hunting, but I must ask that you maintain a similar level of respect for professionals in other fields. Mr. Thardus, and indeed myself, are both honours graduates from the Tallon IV Academy of Metroid Bossdom, and, as such, are continuing the fine legacy started by the great Kraid nearly 20 years ago.
Perhaps Mr Thardus's appearance is somewhat unorthodox, I agree, but surely, in the year 20X5 in the history of the cosmos, society has progressed to the point when we can all accept each other as equal members of society, regardless of perceived "irregularities" in physical appearance? Your attitude makes me sick, young lady - judging my friend Mr. Thardus as being somehow mentally inferior to you, merely because he resembles a large pile of rocks, amounts to little short of racism. Perhaps it would interest you to know that Mr. Thardus is a member of Mensa, with an IQ of over 180? Of course it wouldn't - you've already made your mind up, based on your primitive preconceptions. How backward you are.
May I also point out that your letter contains a confession that you are guilty of the crime of sequence breaking, and are thus in direct violation of Clause 16A of the Metroid Boss Dispatchment Treaty? Through your item skipping and extended Bomb Jumping, you are not only violating your own Space Hunter's contract, which dictates that you must pick up all power-ups, weapon upgrades and modular Power Suit enhancements IN THE PRE-DESIGNATED SEQUENCE, but you also place us in the hazardous position of having to defend against advanced weaponry without adequate training - something which contravenes the Galactic Federation's Health and Safety in the Workplace Treaty, signed in the year 1X9Z by Galactic Preseident Gerald Zxxwlw. Are you trying to tell us that you are better versed in the ins and outs of Federation law than the esteemed Mr. Zxxwlw? I thought not.
To conclude, Madam - you are nothing more than an uncouth, ill-mannered scofflaw, and you are certainly no Lady.
Sincerely,
Mr. O. Pirate
I sincerely hope that this teaches you the error of your ways.