social topic

2015-11-24 12:21:27 pm

Club 27 Goals

oh yeah so a minor follow-up to the previous situation, I've pretty much totally moved past it now. Cause now, one guy that was our mutual friend for like, 3 or 4 months is trying to pick up my ex, in the most scummy way possible. Since he was a friend of mine, he's been seeing the situation unfold first hand, and I've told him about my realization and how I intend to fix it and stay with her, etc etc. But now he's telling her lies about things I've said to him, harassing him when he wants to spend time with her alone, and she completely believed him. When he KNEW I was doing the opposite to show her I can give her more space.

People are such fucking scumbags. I haven't told her anything yet, but I've gathered evidence (chat logs etc) that way if she doesn't believe me, I'll just show her what I really said to him. When he wanted alone time to talk to her while he was depressed I said exactly "Hey man, she's a great listener and has awesome advice, I hope you feel better :) hope we can all get in a call later" cause we were playing video games together and it's more fun if everyone is in a call. He told her that I Was harassing him and bugging him about getting in a call, because he was talking to her privately. There's been a few cases of it.

oh yeah so a minor follow-up to the previous situation, I've pretty much totally moved past it now. Cause now, one guy that was our mutual friend for like, 3 or 4 months is trying to pick up my ex, in the most scummy way possible. Since he was a friend of mine, he's been seeing the situation unfold first hand, and I've told him about my realization and how I intend to fix it and stay with her, etc etc. But now he's telling her lies about things I've said to him, harassing him when he wants to spend time with her alone, and she completely believed him. When he KNEW I was doing the opposite to show her I can give her more space.

People are such fucking scumbags. I haven't told her anything yet, but I've gathered evidence (chat logs etc) that way if she doesn't believe me, I'll just show her what I really said to him. When he wanted alone time to talk to her while he was depressed I said exactly "Hey man, she's a great listener and has awesome advice, I hope you feel better :) hope we can all get in a call later" cause we were playing video games together and it's more fun if everyone is in a call. He told her that I Was harassing him and bugging him about getting in a call, because he was talking to her privately. There's been a few cases of it.

arkarian

2015-11-24 12:26:06 pm

red chamber dream

it doesn't sound like you're anywhere close to being over it or her especially

DJGrenola

2015-11-24 12:31:09 pm

pretty much all single men will happily backstab you over women in my experience

it sucks but it's a fact of life

DJGrenola

2015-11-24 12:31:34 pm

particularly if they're under 30

arkarian

2015-11-24 12:35:44 pm

red chamber dream

yeah i'd agree with that

arkarian

2015-11-24 12:35:57 pm

red chamber dream

people look out for themselves above all, it's really simple

DJGrenola

2015-11-24 12:39:24 pm

you have one big thing going for you in this situation poision which is that you don't have to see her every day, or indeed at all

you should be very grateful for that because it's a luxury you don't have in 9 out of 10 cases

DJGrenola

2015-11-24 12:40:44 pm

like if you split up with someone you have to work with, jesus christ, the torture

Opium

2015-11-24 12:40:48 pm

Would I be unrealistic if I said you should just erase those people from your life?

arkarian

2015-11-24 12:46:54 pm

red chamber dream

no, that's what i would recommend

it's what's going to happen anyway, so might as well get it over with

Poision Envy

2015-11-24 02:11:54 pm

Club 27 Goals

Yeah, I guess I'm just stubborn and don't give up if I feel like I haven't given it my all. I hate looking back and feeling like I didn't try hard enough as I could have, even if sometimes it would have been better if I didn't try so hard.

Opium

2015-11-24 02:41:31 pm

You were yourself, and if the relationship doesn't work when you're being you then it wasn't a good fit. I'm not a love expert, and please don't take this the wrong way, but it sounds like a typical learning relationship that young people have. The sooner you get over it the better.

Poision Envy

2015-11-24 04:24:01 pm

Club 27 Goals

no yeah I definitely realized that too, if you have to change yourself and acct like a different person for someone to like you, then it won't work for the long run. Maybe a short run for the sex and stuff, but that's not what I'm looking for. Course though now I just hope to find someone that does like me for me.

Honestly, a nice clingy girl sounds pretty good. Like I understand a lot of guys don't like that, but if my girlfriend texted me every day, wanted to know where I am, etc etc, I'd take that as more of a sign that she cares a lot than anything else. Clingy girls seem pretty attractive in my mind.

Poision Envy

2015-11-24 04:24:29 pm

Club 27 Goals

of course though someone being clingy is usually a sign of a much deeper problem in their psyche, so it can lead to much deeper problems overall.

arkarian

2015-11-24 04:50:17 pm

red chamber dream

one thing i like to do is remind myself that when i feel something for a woman, there are billions of men out there who feel exactly the same way about another woman. so what i feel isn't special, and it means i could feel the same way about another woman in the future.

Poision Envy

2015-11-24 05:32:00 pm

Club 27 Goals

I think also it stems from the fear too of not finding another one

Opium

2015-11-24 05:34:31 pm

That would be the worst reason to have a relationship with someone. I'd rather spend my whole life alone than be in a crappy relationship.

arkarian

2015-11-24 05:39:51 pm

red chamber dream

^

Poision Envy

2015-11-24 05:41:57 pm

Club 27 Goals

The ex and I had a talk today. She did confirm that he has been scummy, and she picked up on it too. He also confessed his love to her, and the large reason why he hates me being in calls is because he gets really depressed and jealous, since we still call each other by our nicknames. I did pick up on this too, especially when I talked about the first time visiting her, swimming together, washing and brushing her hair, etc. Apparently it made him choke up and almost cry. Like, what the fuck.

It's funny though, cause my ex still wants me to visit so badly next weekend. I already have all the hotel and plane and rental car etc etc stuff set up, so I think I'm going to carry through. Plus, I can give her all these gifts that I have that I really don't care for keeping, I would've just thrown them away anyway. PLUS, I think it'll be a really nice send-off and conclusion. Don't get me wrong, I still care a whole hell of a lot about her, but relationship wise I've accepted and moved on that it won't be recovered. So I figure we can spend the last weekend together, enjoy each other's company one last time, and be on our way.

The ex and I had a talk today. She did confirm that he has been scummy, and she picked up on it too. He also confessed his love to her, and the large reason why he hates me being in calls is because he gets really depressed and jealous, since we still call each other by our nicknames. I did pick up on this too, especially when I talked about the first time visiting her, swimming together, washing and brushing her hair, etc. Apparently it made him choke up and almost cry. Like, what the fuck.

It's funny though, cause my ex still wants me to visit so badly next weekend. I already have all the hotel and plane and rental car etc etc stuff set up, so I think I'm going to carry through. Plus, I can give her all these gifts that I have that I really don't care for keeping, I would've just thrown them away anyway. PLUS, I think it'll be a really nice send-off and conclusion. Don't get me wrong, I still care a whole hell of a lot about her, but relationship wise I've accepted and moved on that it won't be recovered. So I figure we can spend the last weekend together, enjoy each other's company one last time, and be on our way.

Opium

2015-11-24 05:43:45 pm

That sounds like a fun weekend. I bet you will enjoy her company more having realized that it's just about enjoying each others company and nothing more.

Opium

2015-11-24 06:10:56 pm

no strings, no ropes, no obligations

Poision Envy

2015-11-24 06:13:22 pm

Club 27 Goals

oh yeah no, like as a person she's wonderful, but I think it's important to learn that there's so many parts of a person that have to line up just right when you're in a relationship. Even just things that seem minor end up being huge in a relationship. Sexual contact for example, even if someone's perfect, if you two have differing "needs" or wants, it can be a huge deal breaker. She was young, and she's changed, and the relationship part of her that used to line up is different now. It's unfortunate that that part of her had to change, but ah well. I'm still really looking forward to the time spent with her, we have a lot planned for going out for food, the mall, movies, and bringing a Wii over to the hotel room to kick her ass at Mario Kart.

She actually got choked up and started to cry a bit when I told her that I think it'll be a really nice send-off for the relationship, and she got even more sad when she asked if I was planning on moving on to anyone else, and I said yes.

Opium

2015-11-24 06:15:44 pm

Quote from Poision Envy:

... Sexual contact for example, even if someone's perfect, if you two have differing "needs" or wants, it can be a huge deal breaker.

Like....kinky stuff?

arkarian

2015-11-24 06:24:29 pm

red chamber dream

i'm so happy i don't have to associate with people younger than 25 anymore lol

not that 25 is particularly old but man people younger than that are so much worse than people 25-30

and i'm sure people in their 30s feel the same about people in their 20s

Poision Envy

2015-11-24 06:34:19 pm

Club 27 Goals

Quote from Opium:

Quote from Poision Envy:

... Sexual contact for example, even if someone's perfect, if you two have differing "needs" or wants, it can be a huge deal breaker.

Like....kinky stuff?

Not even that. Simply sex in general. If a guy wants it every other day, and the girl only wants it maybe once a month or so, that can cause a ton of issues. Or if the girl just flat out doesn't want sex, or if the guy wants to wait til marriage, etc etc.