social topic

2015-11-20 03:28:02 pm

Club 27 Goals

Quote from DJGrenola:

it took me just one failed long distance internet relationship to realise that long distance internet relationships aren't actually relationships and just aren't worth the bother. so forget about that. it's fine to meet someone that way but they have to be someone you can actually see regularly. occasionally they do work out for people but the majority of the time they're not really relationships, they're just crutches for one or both parties because the people involved don't have anyone IRL right now.

Yeah, I do realize that now too. The unfortunate part was that it was only supposed to be temporary, I definitely wasn't planning on it staying as just an internet relationship for very long at all.

Quote from DJGrenola:

don't make long term plans based on women. again I'm not saying they don't sometimes work out but the trouble is they can fall through at any moment, leaving you up shit creek. love is a powerful thing but that's the problem with it. at the end of the day your brain is playing a trick on you and you have to keep that at the back of your mind, always remember that your happiness is more important then theirs, and always have an exit strategy. a bit of cynicism when dealing with women is vital to prevent yourself from going mad.

Honestly my biggest mistake in this entire situation is not having a backup plan. For the last 3 years I was shaping my life around us being together. It's not as if she wasn't really either, but for her, it didn't mean nearly as much. For me it meant I was waiting to go back to college, it meant switching to a different job with less hours, it meant I had made plans to move up there and change my life goals completely. When you have been planning something, for so long, when it falls apart it's pretty devastating.

Quote from DJGrenola:

not being able to enjoy the stuff you used to do with them will pass, but it will take a while and you will have to find something else to do in the meantime.

the rest of the stuff you mention is bureaucracy shit. we all have to deal with that and it never goes away unfortunately. you just have to grit your teeth and deal with it as unemotionally as possible.

True, it's mostly just money problems, and so far in life I know things like that go up and down.

[quote="DJGrenola"]it took me just one failed long distance internet relationship to realise that long distance internet relationships aren't actually relationships and just aren't worth the bother. so forget about that. it's fine to meet someone that way but they have to be someone you can actually see regularly. occasionally they do work out for people but the majority of the time they're not really relationships, they're just crutches for one or both parties because the people involved don't have anyone IRL right now.[/quote]
Yeah, I do realize that now too. The unfortunate part was that it was only supposed to be temporary, I definitely wasn't planning on it staying as just an internet relationship for very long at all.

[quote="DJGrenola"]don't make long term plans based on women. again I'm not saying they don't sometimes work out but the trouble is they can fall through at any moment, leaving you up shit creek. love is a powerful thing but that's the problem with it. at the end of the day your brain is playing a trick on you and you have to keep that at the back of your mind, always remember that your happiness is more important then theirs, and always have an exit strategy. a bit of cynicism when dealing with women is vital to prevent yourself from going mad.[/quote]
Honestly my biggest mistake in this entire situation is not having a backup plan. For the last 3 years I was shaping my life around us being together. It's not as if she wasn't really either, but for her, it didn't mean nearly as much. For me it meant I was waiting to go back to college, it meant switching to a different job with less hours, it meant I had made plans to move up there and change my life goals completely. When you have been planning something, for so long, when it falls apart it's pretty devastating.

[quote="DJGrenola"]not being able to enjoy the stuff you used to do with them will pass, but it will take a while and you will have to find something else to do in the meantime.

the rest of the stuff you mention is bureaucracy shit. we all have to deal with that and it never goes away unfortunately. you just have to grit your teeth and deal with it as unemotionally as possible.[/quote]
True, it's mostly just money problems, and so far in life I know things like that go up and down.

arkarian

Edit history:

arkarian: 2015-11-20 03:55:07 pm

2015-11-20 03:53:40 pm

red chamber dream

grenola's advice about not organizing your life around a woman is spot-on, i think.

i would expand it to: don't count on other people for anything important to you unless you're married to them or work with them. no one in the world cares about you as much as you do.

Opium

2015-11-20 04:50:54 pm

Quote from arkarian:

no one in the world cares about you as much as you do.

That's so true. I know someone my age who has only known fleeting moments of happiness because she's spent her whole life requiring the love of someone else in order to be happy. I think she learned that from her mother, as many people do. Whether it's romance or even friendship, one needs to only count on themselves to be happy. Unless you win the love lottery, you are the only one that is always going to be there.

Poision Envy

2015-11-20 05:51:36 pm

Club 27 Goals

Yeah, I guess that's something I never really learned to do. I kind of hate myself, my habits, my appearance, my mannerisms. Sure, there's some I can change probably, but I've never really learned how to. I was never loved as a kid, like sure my mom cared about me, but I was never shown that. I transferred schools literally every year of my life until High school where I made my first real friends, and I had been so used to dropping my friendships after a year it took a really long time to connect. Needless to say the one relationship I had in high school was shit, we dated for two weeks in sophomore year because she wanted my dick and didn't even wanna date, but I was stupid and thought I felt love for her. Then we dated again next year for about a month before she cheated on me, and that was that. And my only other ~real~ relationship was a long distance relationship, and she fucked me up pretty bad. At the end of it, she told me I pushed her away by caring too much, and wanting to be with her too badly. But in my head I was like, are you fucking serious, isn't that the whole point of loving someone? but whatever. And now this relationship she doesn't even have a real reason why. All she's been telling me is "I got into a serious committed relationship too early in my life" and "I want to go out and really meet and experience other people and learn from them". It's all bullshit really.

Poision Envy

2015-11-20 06:00:35 pm

Club 27 Goals

I don't even remember where I was going with it. Pretty much I just see myself as fucking worthless in the long run. I failed highschool and college, even though I was trying really hard, I just couldn't ever concentrate. Even with the internet unplugged, I'd stare at a blank page for an hour trying to get something down, and end up crying and going to bed. It was like that through all my school years, and it didn't help the only person who was there (my mom) reminded me how my life will be shit if I don't do well, and I'd be shit if I don't do it, and how my only hobbies being video games also makes me shit. I'm not trying to blame anyone, a lot of my early upbringing wasn't one person's fault, but a series of events and such. But she definitely didn't help. And of course in my mind I fantasized a lot about the perfect life style, I am incredibly fucking jealous in general. I hated watching anime after awhile if there was ever a protagonist that fell in love, or any movie really, because I wanted that so badly. I just really wanted love someone and have them love me back. I know it's bad, but that was the one thing in my mind that kept me going on for so fucking long, was just my friends and the idea that I could love someone and be happily ever after. That's why I tried so hard for this girl too, so many guys didn't wanna date her because she lived far away, and didn't want to put in the effort of a long distance relationship, but I did. So I made sure to try my best and the results were over 2 years of the best time of my life, it made every day awesome and exciting getting to get up and wake up and talk to her and fall asleep together. But whatever, I dont even know why im saying all this shit, im just so fucking over it all.

Idkbutlike2

2015-11-20 06:01:10 pm

Some blogposting up in this bitch.

Poision Envy

2015-11-20 06:04:16 pm

Club 27 Goals

meh, what can you do

Idkbutlike2

2015-11-20 06:07:46 pm

I don't know. I could never gush like that. I'm an emotionless twat.

arkarian

2015-11-20 06:10:21 pm

red chamber dream

you might be surprised some day

arkarian

2015-11-20 06:10:42 pm

red chamber dream

poision the lack of concentration thing makes it sound like add or adhd or something, i.e. not your fault

arkarian

2015-11-20 06:12:03 pm

red chamber dream

and the whole wanting someone to love you back thing is universal ... we all want that, and it's really painful when we don't get it

unfortunately that's just life ;(

Idkbutlike2

2015-11-20 06:12:35 pm

I don't know if I want that. Sounds like a heck of a lot of responsibility.

arkarian

2015-11-20 06:15:27 pm

red chamber dream

well, there are people with antisocial personality disorder, but that's not normal

Poision Envy

2015-11-20 06:16:18 pm

Club 27 Goals

Quote from arkarian:

poision the lack of concentration thing makes it sound like add or adhd or something, i.e. not your fault

My mom said I was diagnosed when I Was a kid, but opted out of medication for it since she thought it would screw me up while my brain was developing, or something like that.

Quote from Idkbutlike2:

I don't know if I want that. Sounds like a heck of a lot of responsibility.

the only people I've known who don't want that have some mental/testosterone thing going on, and while the idea of having a girlfriend and having sex is nice, the idea of having to make them happy, talk to them every day, etc is taxing. Honestly I'm the most happy when I have that responsibility, it makes me feel like I'm needed and worthwhile, it's a good feeling.

Idkbutlike2

2015-11-20 06:16:55 pm

I guess I'm just scared that I'll fuck up the relationship more than anything else. It's a low self-esteem thing.

Idkbutlike2

2015-11-20 06:17:44 pm

All I'm good for is housework, office work, and taking care of kids. And nobody really cares about that shit anymore.

Opium

2015-11-20 06:27:15 pm

All romantic relationships when you're a teen are superficial. When you've just hit puberty, the whole idea of romantic love is new. A serious relationship is like a marathon and if you just learned how to walk a few days ago you can't take the marathon seriously. My niece falls in love with a new boy every month, and each time she swears she was born to be with this person. That's an extreme example but it's true that when you're a teen you feel like relationships are so much grander than they really are. It's probably a combination of inexperience and the idea of love is extra intoxicating because of A) hormones, and B) feeling wanted is very important to anyone who's insecure and just about all teens are insecure because they're not sure who they are yet.

You sound depressed. That seems to be going around lately like the flu. It's definitely the right time of year for it, plus all the things going on in the world are really depressing right now. The USA is at a pivotal point and it's stressing everyone out.

All romantic relationships when you're a teen are superficial.  When you've just hit puberty, the whole idea of romantic love is new.  A serious relationship is like a marathon and if you just learned how to walk a few days ago you can't take the marathon seriously.  My niece falls in love with a new boy every month, and each time she swears she was born to be with this person.  That's an extreme example but it's true that when you're a teen you feel like relationships are so much grander than they really are.  It's probably a combination of inexperience and the idea of love is extra intoxicating because of A) hormones, and B) feeling wanted is very important to anyone who's insecure and just about all teens are insecure because they're not sure who they are yet.

You sound depressed.  That seems to be going around lately like the flu.  It's definitely the right time of year for it, plus all the things going on in the world are really depressing right now.  The USA is at a pivotal point and it's stressing everyone out.

Poision Envy

2015-11-20 06:31:28 pm

Club 27 Goals

I couldn't care less about politics, honestly. Sure the France thing sucks, but hey, that's life. The only time people really care about politics and shit is when they have something to lose. When people have no security through their life through their country, none of it matters. The majority of people do for sure, social security, retirement, even just living in the country. But for me, I couldn't give less of a shit about any of that, since I don't even have the basics sorted out. It's like any other mass tragedy. The tsunami with Japan, the boston marathon bombing, etc. It just feels disconnected.

Opium

2015-11-20 06:36:22 pm

The worst thing about depression is that it keeps you from being able to see that you're just depressed. It's like when a drunk person wants to drive. They're clueless about their condition. Crazy people don't know they're crazy. I don't mean to sound condescending or old, but I've been through depression enough times by now to be able to recognize it when it happens. That ability has been so helpful that it's practically been a cure for me. If I know it's just my brain not working properly then it doesn't consume me and take over my thought process.

Quote from Poision Envy:

I couldn't care less about politics, honestly. Sure the France thing sucks, but hey, that's life. The only time people really care about politics and shit is when they have something to lose. When people have no security through their life through their country, none of it matters. The majority of people do for sure, social security, retirement, even just living in the country. But for me, I couldn't give less of a shit about any of that, since I don't even have the basics sorted out. It's like any other mass tragedy. The tsunami with Japan, the boston marathon bombing, etc. It just feels disconnected.

I hear you, but I really think things affect us unconsciously. When 9/11 happened it really messed up a lot of people who weren't overly concerned about it on the surface. Myself and a friend both had the worst years of our lives in 2002 and if you had asked us what was bothering us we never would have brought up 9/11. Shit does get to people. I'm not saying that shit is affecting you and you just don't know it, I'm just saying it's possible and not unlikely.

The worst thing about depression is that it keeps you from being able to see that you're just depressed.  It's like when a drunk person wants to drive.  They're clueless about their condition.  Crazy people don't know they're crazy.  I don't mean to sound condescending or old, but I've been through depression enough times by now to be able to recognize it when it happens.  That ability has been so helpful that it's practically been a cure for me.  If I know it's just my brain not working properly then it doesn't consume me and take over my thought process.

[quote="Poision Envy"]I couldn't care less about politics, honestly. Sure the France thing sucks, but hey, that's life. The only time people really care about politics and shit is when they have something to lose. When people have no security through their life through their country, none of it matters. The majority of people do for sure, social security, retirement, even just living in the country. But for me, I couldn't give less of a shit about any of that, since I don't even have the basics sorted out. It's like any other mass tragedy. The tsunami with Japan, the boston marathon bombing, etc. It just feels disconnected.[/quote]

I hear you, but I really think things affect us unconsciously.  When 9/11 happened it really messed up a lot of people who weren't overly concerned about it on the surface.  Myself and a friend both had the worst years of our lives in 2002 and if you had asked us what was bothering us we never would have brought up 9/11.  Shit does get to people.  I'm not saying that shit is affecting you and you just don't know it, I'm just saying it's possible and not unlikely.

arkarian

Edit history:

arkarian: 2015-11-20 06:38:02 pm

2015-11-20 06:37:56 pm

red chamber dream

if it changes how everyone around you acts, that would affect you too i would think

Opium

2015-11-20 06:39:07 pm

definitely

Idkbutlike2

2015-11-20 06:39:52 pm

I'm scared as hell of being depressed. That shit messes people the fuck up.

Poision Envy

2015-11-20 06:41:26 pm

Club 27 Goals

I've been depressed longer than I've been happy, in the last 8 years. I can definitely pick up when I'm not acting, thinking, or feeling right. I have no doubts I'm depressed right now. There's just nothing to pick me up except for some cheap escapes.

Idkbutlike2

2015-11-20 06:45:54 pm

I just play Dota or Dark Souls when I'm really down in the dumps. Video game frustration beats a lack of motivation and feeling down any day of the week.

Opium

2015-11-20 06:46:01 pm

I was depressed almost non-stop from age 12 through about 33 or so. I never would plan for the future because I always felt like I was close to being dead. When I was 16 I thought I wouldn't live to see 18. When I was 18 I thought I wouldn't live to see 21. When I was - you get the idea.
Now I hope I get to live to be very old because I don't think I will ever feel depressed like that again.