I might not be coming on much. Feeling really, really fucking down.
I caught my girlfriend, sorta, talking dirty to this dude online, but it wasn't a big deal. They were just talking about kinky stuff and getting pretty in detail about it, what gets her off, that sorta thing, which I honestly don't have much of a problem with her talking about it, because that's totally normal. However, what ended up happening was she was talking to him secretly and was lying to me about it. She accidentally messaged one of our mutual friends while talking to him, and she told me about it. I confronted her and she was lying over and over and over about it. She FINALLY admitted to it, saying she regretted it afterwards, and how she just didn't want to tell me because she was ashamed. I told her I wasn't mad, however what I was upset about was that we agreed that for telling people these things we wouldn't get personally close to them or skype them, which she did both of that, however she didn't do anything more than just text him dirty words. But the fact that she lied made me really upset, and we talked more and she confessed that she hasn't felt like she's loved me for a few months now, and was only sticking with me to make me happy. She also doesn't want me to move all the way up there anymore, however we had made plans to meet up next month, which she says she still wants to do to really feel things out, but I'm not even sure if it's worth it. I've realized she hasn't felt in love with me for some time, despite everything I've been doing for her. I don't know. I just need some time to think, it just really sucks when you have awesome goals set up for life and everything and shit falls out.
im sure ya'll don't give any fucks but whatever. I'm toasty and miserable so fuck everything.
i mean, i tried my fucking best. just sucks cause this is only my third serious relationship, and it's the third time it's happened. after awhile you have to stop and think, maybe it's me that keeps doing something. This one has lasted by far the longest and the worst part was it was fucking amazing for two years nonstop, then it just died down. I still loved her, I still love her a lot and can totally forgive, forget, etc. But she's pretty set that shes done with relationships and just doesn't want it, and theres nothing i can do if she just isn't in love anymore.
but like, its happened so many times, and every time. like im trying to figure out if its something im doing or what, you know? like,, surely i must not be doing something good enough. i do get a bit jealous at times, but ive been working hard on that and better about that. im always there when she wanted to talk, and never forgot to tell her i appreciate her, etc etc. i know distance is hard but i was moving up there soon so i just dont get it...
nah man, it's not your fault. it's about compatibility really. you can't blame yourself for being yourself (unless you're just an asshole). you shouldn't have to change for someone else.
I'm not going to say that there's no value whatsoever in trying to analyse old relationships and figure out what went wrong, but I would suggest now would not be the appropriate time
At least the truth came out. Now you won't waste any more time in a dead end situation. Being single is a time to focus on yourself. Besides, you're young. Go play the field! I would hate it if I had wasted my 20's with only one or two partners.
Heh, yeah I mean, she isn't the same person at all anymore that I fell in love with. She's so damn greedy now and selfish, but I kind of just accepted that and was okay with just giving her anything cause hey, I loved her. But now she's telling all her friends that we both stopped loving each other and just wanted space. A few of them texted me and I responded right away with, no, that's bullshit. She gave up on me, and then cheated, and I STILL want to make it work with her, but she's refusing.