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Samus Lauren
Yes. I do write occasionally. And I thought that instead of getting it lost in my pictures, I'll put my written works in a different thread. Hope you guys dont mind. :P

Got three poems right here. Heavy critique would be GREAT. Nobody i know critiques writing, and its really bothersome...

P.S.: They are all emotionally charged, so watch out!

Who's Afraid?

Who's afraid of the big bad wolf?
Tyrannical terror of the night
Skirting the edge of pagan unknowns
Stimulating a fantasized flight.

Who's afraid of the crazed lycanthrope?
A true image of sickness indeed
The irate irrations are all they know
On the body is where their minds feed.

Who's afraid of the werewolf-at-large?
As everyone scrambles to contain
The lunch in their stomachs, the last meal
Before facing a monster of Nature's remains.

Just how afraid, how afraid should you be?
The full moon is nigh
The scent of blood is a high
Who in this world is now afraid of me?!


Aftermath

What do you do? What do you say?
When you find out that your love has just blown away?
When all that stuff you thought would make you laugh,
You find it never works in this aftermath...

Where do you turn? Where do you hide?
When you feel all your love drained dry
At once, everything that you were feeling before
Is just tossed out the window in one great "Nevermore"

What can you see? What is left to feel?
When you were mistaken in thinking that the pain would reveal
A better tomorrow after the worst was passed
But it never works in this aftermath...

What does the hand show now? What does it conceal?
Is the mask still being worn, is the truth still congealed?
When you finally said the worst of them all,
I wondered if you always enjoyed my falls
Prior to this i could always bounce back...

But that's not how it works in this aftermath...


Tears in My Eyes

Do the tears in my eyes make the stars seem more alive?
As I stare up in that sky, wishing I could just say goodbye
To everything I feel, there's just too much inside
What can I say, what can I feel that can make this be alright?

When you love as much as I, can you think, or at least try
To visualize the chaos when my mind is hitting Distraught
A roadblock that I fear is just too high...
And all the time I'm leaning, leaning away from you with one loud cry...

Why can't I just let this go?
Where'll my feet land so I can just know
When to start running; the gun's going off--
I'll race for this love... or this love is star-crossed.

This howl in my voice, my own single, solemn choice
To give up to the sky and sing that one last goodbye
My love is all for you, all for you....
Take it all away from me, hold me up so I can feel alright...

Don't make the stars seem more alive in my eyes...
Thread title: 
Quote from Cantonbags04:
Who's Afraid?

cool. it's weird how we're like total opposites when it comes to things like this, i.e. outlook for human life as opposed to natural life (i'm guessing for you they are more or less the same thing). as for me, maybe i'm just in denial, i dunno.

just one thing i saw:

Quote from Cantonbags04:
Who's afraid of the crazed lycanthrope?
A true image of sickness indeed
The irate irrations are all they know
On the body is where their mind feeds.

what do you think of changing mind feeds to minds feed? "their" seems to indicate more than one mind to me, and it fits better with "indeed" as an added bonus.

Quote from Cantonbags04:
Aftermath

:( i've always written about the part that comes before this, so was this pretty refreshing for me. not necessarily in a good way though, haha.

Quote from Cantonbags04:
Where do you turn? Where do you hide?
When you feel all your love drained dry
At once, everything that you were feeling before
Just tossed out the window in one great "Nevermore"

i desire a verb in the last two lines. you might try adding 's to before. also i seem to like with one great "Nevermore" better than in one great ... seems somehow more dramatic. your mileage may vary.

Quote from Cantonbags04:
What can you see? What is left to feel?
When you were mistaken in thinking that the pain would reveal
A better tomorrow after the worst was past
But it never works in this aftermath...

i'm wondering whether you'd prefer past or passed here. obviously the first one would be an adjective and the second a verb. if you want to leave it past then i humbly suggest changing the was before it to is - i find that really cool.

Quote from Cantonbags04:
But thats not how it works in this aftermath...

looks like you're missing an apostrophe here.


Quote from Cantonbags04:
Tears in My Eyes

aw, so sad. i guess if you can write about it that's good. i just got suicidal.

Quote from Cantonbags04:
When you love as much as I, can you think, or at least try
To visualize the chaos when my mind is hitting Distraught

this is cool, but you might try putting the Distraught in italics or bold face to further demarcate it from the surrounding text.

Quote from Cantonbags04:
A roadblock that I fear is just to high...

looks like you meant "too" here.

Quote from Cantonbags04:
And all the time I'm leaning, leaning away from you in one loud cry...

weird, again i'm thinking "with" would be better than "in" ... dunno.

overall awesome, thanks for sharing, of course.
Samus Lauren
Changed as I saw fit.

To the first 'in' to 'with', i didn't change it, because it's like I'm saying that with the words "Nevermore" everything is being tossed out. So in saying the words, the action takes place.

Or something. I dont know if that helped me or not.

Anyway, I still like the 'in' better than the 'with'. In that particular poem...it just sounds better for me.

Meh. *shrug*
yeah i had suspected that, otherwise you wouldn't have written it in the first place, lol.