Is the Theater Worth It?

2005-09-20 11:42:24 pm

Armor Guardian

I must say that I am a movie fanatic. I know everything about movies, such as who played Gollum in Lord of the Rings, or how many movies Kevin Bacon starred in. My associates have only asked me one question that stumped me (upon further research I discovered it was a trick question). However, despite my fanatical ravings about movies, I am starting to have doubt about going to the movie theater. I believe that the journey to the theater, the theater itself, and the behavior of idiotic patrons have made me decide to quit going to the theater.

I believe that gouging your eyeballs out is preferable to excruciating journey to the theater. It's very hard to convince yourself to go outside and drive to the movies when it's cold, humid, and rainy and when I have a television in the comfort of my own house. I don't even want to elaborate on the 10-minute Drive-o-Death (TM) to there. When you finally gets there, chances are that it takes you another five minutes to find a parking space. And to top it all off, you discover that the tickets for the movie you want to see are sold out. Assuming you survive the journey, you must prepare yourself for the Theatrical-Experience-o-Death (TM)...

Enter the stereotypical movie theater which I will heavily exaggerate in order to convince you my opinion is right. Chances are that you'll have to spend the first several minutes of the movie getting adjusted to the smell of a carpet which is older than the business model of the American music industry. Even when you adjust to that, you'll have to spend the enire movie hearing the more-annoy-than-a-hornet 1 decible noise that leaks through the 'soundproof' walls. This can be especially annoying when the sound of a quiet love story is interrupting your action packed karate-fest. When I try to leave the theater because I realized I went into the wrong room, I discover that gum, sodapop, popcorn, candy, saliva, and heart decided to summon CAPTAIN GLUE when I was not looking. However, none of these evils compare to the annoying family of movie-goers... (cue lightning)

Meet your cliche family of movie-goers. First there are Bob Jr. and George. Both of these 10 year old twin devils talk a mile-a-minute, whine at a pitch so high that only dogs can hear them, and run around screaming during any important plot-twist. Next in line we have Jake. Jake is the kind of person who always seems to have seen the movie before you and spoils the movie as it progresses. Chances are that he's the one that told you 'SNAPE KILLS DUMBLEDORE!' 15 times. Finally we have Bob Sr. and Barb; the annoying parents that always complain about how bad movies are becoming and the moral deprivation of Hollywood. It also seems like the all have the habit of crinkling wrappers so you want to kill them with your toy light gun which you recently turned into a sniper rifle.

I believe that it's is the combination of these factors (and video games) which will cause the untimely demise of the movie industry:

1) The annoying family of movie-goers.
2) The theaters themselves.
3) The journey to there.

This is why I encourage all of you people to stop going to the theaters and do something healthier such as play video games.

Please note that the above essay is not Artee's opinion, but in reality something that he was forced to write for his English class which was based on another an outline which was based on a similar (yet less humorous) essay and therefore should not be taken seriously.

Thread title:

I must say that I am a movie fanatic. I know everything about movies, such as who played Gollum in Lord of the Rings, or how many movies Kevin Bacon starred in. My associates have only asked me one question that stumped me (upon further research I discovered it was a trick question). However, despite my fanatical ravings about movies, I am starting to have doubt about going to the movie theater. I believe that the journey to the theater, the theater itself, and the behavior of idiotic patrons have made me decide to quit going to the theater.

I believe that gouging your eyeballs out is preferable to excruciating journey to the theater. It's very hard to convince yourself to go outside and drive to the movies when it's cold, humid, and rainy and when I have a television in the comfort of my own house. I don't even want to elaborate on the 10-minute Drive-o-Death (TM) to there. When you finally gets there, chances are that it takes you another five minutes to find a parking space. And to top it all off, you discover that the tickets for the movie you want to see are sold out. Assuming you survive the journey, you must prepare yourself for the Theatrical-Experience-o-Death (TM)...

Enter the stereotypical movie theater which I will heavily exaggerate in order to convince you my opinion is right. Chances are that you'll have to spend the first several minutes of the movie getting adjusted to the smell of a carpet which is older than the business model of the American music industry. Even when you adjust to that, you'll have to spend the enire movie hearing the more-annoy-than-a-hornet 1 decible noise that leaks through the 'soundproof' walls. This can be especially annoying when the sound of a quiet love story is interrupting your action packed karate-fest. When I try to leave the theater because I realized I went into the wrong room, I discover that gum, sodapop, popcorn, candy, saliva, and heart decided to summon CAPTAIN GLUE when I was not looking. However, none of these evils compare to the annoying family of movie-goers... (cue lightning)

Meet your cliche family of movie-goers. First there are Bob Jr. and George. Both of these 10 year old twin devils talk a mile-a-minute, whine at a pitch so high that only dogs can hear them, and run around screaming during any important plot-twist. Next in line we have Jake. Jake is the kind of person who always seems to have seen the movie before you and spoils the movie as it progresses. Chances are that he's the one that told you 'SNAPE KILLS DUMBLEDORE!' 15 times. Finally we have Bob Sr. and Barb; the annoying parents that always complain about how bad movies are becoming and the moral deprivation of Hollywood. It also seems like the all have the habit of crinkling wrappers so you want to kill them with your toy light gun which you recently turned into a sniper rifle.

I believe that it's is the combination of these factors (and video games) which will cause the untimely demise of the movie industry:

1) The annoying family of movie-goers.
2) The theaters themselves.
3) The journey to there.

This is why I encourage all of you people to stop going to the theaters and do something healthier such as play video games.

[i]Please note that the above essay is not Artee's opinion, but in reality something that he was forced to write for his English class which was based on another an outline which was based on a similar (yet less humorous) essay and therefore should not be taken seriously.[/i]

spineshark

2005-09-20 11:46:02 pm

in the name of justice!

Theaters make gunshippy movies worth watching. The Mummy Returns? Oh...freaking...yeah!

DJGrenola

2005-09-21 01:17:26 am

funny, I thought you meant real theatre.

that's not dead yet, either.

SABERinBLUE

2005-09-21 02:18:04 am

Cook of the Sea

Quote from RT-55J:

3) The journey to there.

Best. Sentence fragment. Ever.

Chanoire

2005-09-21 03:14:30 am

I pretty much hate movie theaters and have never understood their appeal. That family was sitting behind me as I watched The Two Towers, the last movie I saw in a theater (and the first since Phantom Menace, I think). I don't like movies much, though, and deeply resent the presence of massive multiplex theaters in places I want to be which fill up those places with people and/or cars. Grr.

I also hate people who spoil books that are barely two months old and not out in paperback yet. So, um, edit please?

SABERinBLUE

2005-09-21 03:21:13 am

Cook of the Sea

A worthy cause, Chanoire, but if you don't want that bit spoiled, you really can't be on the internet anymore.

Chanoire

2005-09-21 03:54:33 am

Is it really that widespread? I've only seen it here. There was enough concern for spoilage in the original thread on the book, and I don't know how likely it is that everyone for whose benefits the spoiler tags were used are to have read the book since then.

In other words, it seems spurious to assume that "everyone knows" something or has encountered it. I'm probably not typical of web users, but is the rest of the world relevant in this case? Does it matter what everyone else is saying? I don't think it does, and if I hadn't read the book yet I'd still be unaware of any of its contents. And mad as hell right about now.

spineshark

2005-09-21 08:31:15 am

in the name of justice!

Quote from DJGrenola:

funny, I thought you meant real theatre.

that's not dead yet, either.

Haha, I love the theater.

Well, kind of. There are still a lot of the same idiots, but they're even kind of elitist.

The paradox of movie theaters is that they make good movies intolerable and bad movies almost entertaining. For that reason, there's almost never any reason to go...

I mean, if there's a movie with bad characters and plot, at least it can be really noisy and huge. Though admittedly the problem with good movies is also that at home I can't watch them without falling asleep.

SABERinBLUE

2005-09-21 01:11:58 pm

Cook of the Sea

Quote from Chanoire:

Is it really that widespread? I've only seen it here. There was enough concern for spoilage in the original thread on the book, and I don't know how likely it is that everyone for whose benefits the spoiler tags were used are to have read the book since then.

If ytmnd.com wasn't blocked by the school's filter, I could go and retrieve many things to show you. Perhaps someone else will. :P

Quote:

In other words, it seems spurious to assume that "everyone knows" something or has encountered it. I'm probably not typical of web users, but is the rest of the world relevant in this case? Does it matter what everyone else is saying? I don't think it does, and if I hadn't read the book yet I'd still be unaware of any of its contents. And mad as hell right about now.

Would you? Or would you be like I was and geniunely not believe a word of it? I honestly thought it was a joke until I got there in the book.

But yes, I do see what you're saying.

knighty

2005-09-21 01:29:49 pm

Worst thing about theaters is the fucking price. Dunno what it's like in America, but around where I am you'll be paying ~$13 a film. Add to that rip off coke where half of it is ice anbd extortionately price pop corn....no thanks.

Prime Hunter

2005-09-21 02:58:16 pm

The movie theater I go to is really good. The worst thing that happens in movies I go to is when people talk on their Cell Phones during the movie. No matter how much you want to ignore them, eventually you can ONLY hear what they are saying.

I've also gone to the first showing on some of the movies that I really want to see (Like Return of the King/Revenge of the Sith) With those, you have the hardcore fans who laugh at the right moments and seem to pick up EVERY single joke or comment made. For some movies, that's the best way to view them.

Plus, I love my theater's popcorn. Wink

USBCD36

2005-09-21 03:23:59 pm

Meh, I don't really like movies to begin with, so I'm usually at the theater only 2-3 times per year. Most movies I see in commercials aren't ones that I see in theaters, see Blockbuster always has movies on sale a few weeks after they're released on DVD/VHS, so we get them for ~$7 and watch 'em at home. I've never had any problem with a theater though, they've all been quiet and stuff…

spineshark

2005-09-21 03:34:05 pm

in the name of justice!

The HBP spoilers I believed as soon as I had read them. I couldn't imagine any (reader) making that up.

About ticket prices...I think it's like 8 dollars for a "student" around here. Prices go up as less people come...less people come as prices go up (and more importantly as more movies start sucking).

tomatobob

2005-09-21 03:47:38 pm

One shall stand, one shall ball.

The normal price in the AMC closest to me is about $10 I don't even buy popcorn and soda there anymore the prices are ridiculous..

arkarian

2005-09-21 04:04:06 pm

red chamber dream

First of all, I never call it a theatre. It's always "we're going to the movies" or "the movie theatre" or "the cinema". A theatre is where you'd go to watch a musical/play.

Anyway, I love going to the movies. It's always with my friends, and we just sit and laugh at stuff (and whisper quietly some). Think I'm going on Friday to see Corpse Bride, actually. Not really a movie I particularly want to see, but any movie is fun when you're seeing it with your friends. Also, yes, the prices are a bit high, but it's not as if it's breaking my bank. I go maybe once a month, and it's $6.25 for a matinee and $8.25 for an evening showing (which we usually end up going to, although I think that, on Friday, we're catching the matinee). Yeah, the prices raised twenty-five cents a few months ago, but oh well.

If I want to seriously, seriously watch a good movie (like The Matrix), I'll see it with my dad, as we don't talk or mess around at all during the movie. With comedies and stuff that I just "kinda want to see", it's my friends and me.

Oh, and I NEVER buy food at the theatre. If I go with my parents and sister (which happens occasionally), they'll buy us popcorn, but, besides that, I'll just walk to the MJ Mart in our mall (our movie theatre is in our mall) first and get any candy, soda, or whatnot from there.

First of all, I [i]never[/i] call it a theatre. It's always "we're going to [i]the movies[/i]" or "the movie theatre" or "the cinema". A theatre is where you'd go to watch a musical/play.

Anyway, I love going to the movies. It's always with my friends, and we just sit and laugh at stuff (and whisper quietly some). Think I'm going on Friday to see Corpse Bride, actually. Not really a movie I particularly [i]want[/i] to see, but any movie is fun when you're seeing it with your friends. Also, yes, the prices are a bit high, but it's not as if it's breaking my bank. I go maybe once a month, and it's $6.25 for a matinee and $8.25 for an evening showing (which we usually end up going to, although I think that, on Friday, we're catching the matinee). Yeah, the prices raised twenty-five cents a few months ago, but oh well.

If I want to seriously, seriously watch a good movie (like The Matrix), I'll see it with my dad, as we don't talk or mess around at all during the movie. With comedies and stuff that I just "kinda want to see", it's my friends and me.

Oh, and I NEVER buy food at the theatre. If I go with my parents and sister (which happens occasionally), they'll buy us popcorn, but, besides that, I'll just walk to the MJ Mart in our mall (our movie theatre is in our mall) first and get any candy, soda, or whatnot from there.

Soaprman

2005-09-21 05:46:30 pm

shrimp

and white wine

It seems movies are out on DVD mere weeks after being shown in theatres, and at about the same price as a ticket. I wait. Big screen and surround sound are good, but I have excellent hearing and I actually feel pain in my ears sometimes from those crazy-loud speakers.

Oh, and drink/snack prices are insane. I just get a twenty-ounce from the machines and put it in my pocket or something. $5 for a liter of ice with orange soda in it? No thanks.

RT-55J

2005-09-21 07:04:41 pm

Armor Guardian

Quote from SABERinBLUE:

If ytmnd.com wasn't blocked by the school's filter, I could go and retrieve many things to show you. Perhaps someone else will. :P

USBCD36

2005-09-21 07:52:07 pm

I actually have a solution for you: build a budget home theater. The idea is to create a nice theater for less than, oh say $1,500. The main cost here is your TV, or should I say LCD projector! For a surround sound stereo, grab the Logitech X-530, you can find them refurbished on eBay for ~$20. Make sure to put the subwoofer somewhere good or you won't get good sound (center it under the projection, not off to the side or you won't get good sound). Now you have a problem, the X-530 doesn't accept Dolby Digital, nor does the projector accept component (unless you use an LCD meant to be a media monitor, I was implying a 15" XGA or something similar). Rectify this by centering your entertainment center around a computer. For the purposes of this explanation, I assume you have one that might be able to be used. If not, you can probably purchase a cheap one for less than $500 (the Mac mini stands out here, it will require a standalone decoder, but if you're in the Windoze world, I suggest a cheap Dell or Mini-ITX). You can also get an optical digital sound decoder and a component to VGA converter, but they'll run you about $500 total anyway, just get the computer. That leaves the sound, the M-Audio Revolution 5.1 will do the trick nicely. If you really need a TV tuner at this point, there are plenty of HD ones out there, try to get one made before July 1 if you want to time-shift (ones made afterwards won't let you record because of a stupid FCC law). Throw it all together and you've got your own theater! Granted it's not as nice as a theater, but you don't like those anyway.

I actually have a solution for you: build a budget home theater.  The idea is to create a nice theater for less than, oh say $1,500.  The main cost here is your TV, or should I say [url=http://www.diyprojectorcompany.com/]LCD projector[/url]!  For a surround sound stereo, grab the [url=http://www.logitech.com/index.cfm/products/details/US/EN,CRID=2177,CONTENTID=9067]Logitech X-530[/url], you can find them refurbished on eBay for ~$20.  Make sure to put the subwoofer somewhere good or you won't get good sound (center it under the projection, not off to the side or you won't get good sound).  Now you have a problem, the X-530 doesn't accept Dolby Digital, nor does the projector accept component (unless you use an LCD meant to be a media monitor, I was implying a 15" XGA or something similar).  Rectify this by centering your entertainment center around a computer.  For the purposes of this explanation, I assume you have one that might be able to be used.  If not, you can probably purchase a cheap one for less than $500 (the Mac mini stands out here, it will require a standalone decoder, but if you're in the Windoze world, I suggest a cheap Dell or Mini-ITX).  You can also get an optical digital sound decoder and a component to VGA converter, but they'll run you about $500 total anyway, just get the computer.  That leaves the sound, the M-Audio Revolution 5.1 will do the trick nicely.  If you really need a TV tuner at this point, there are plenty of HD ones out there, try to get one made before July 1 if you want to time-shift (ones made afterwards won't let you record because of a stupid FCC law).  Throw it all together and you've got your own theater!  Granted it's not as nice as a theater, but you don't like those anyway.

Chanoire

2005-09-21 08:16:24 pm

I've only heard of YTMND at this site. Can't say I really see the appeal, but I've only looked at about two.